Firstly, how does EFT work?
In a nutshell, it’s using tapping to tune into the energy system and bring healing to wherever the feeling came from — or wherever the deep belief you have about yourself became something “real.”
How does surrogate EFT work?
We’re able to create change for someone we are close to, even through time and space. I can’t explain exactly how, but I can say that our tefillos make a difference to them, our thoughts make a difference to them, and tapping for them is like a super-concentrated and directed version of that.
How long does it take to see results?
We work on memories. For young children, when something has started suddenly, it’s often based on just one or two events, and it can usually be resolved in one or maybe two sessions.
For more complex issues based on many small events over time, we need more sessions.
What types of things can you help with using surrogate EFT?
Anxiety, fears, not managing with toilet training, kids who wake up upset in the night, kids who cry when they are separated from their parents. NICU babies or babies whose mothers were separated during recovery – in fact don’t think of it that way around. If your baby cries a lot and is clingy, he or she has an underlying trauma. We can help them with surrogate EFT – lots of babies have cried less because of this bH.
For adults and older children – whatever we usually treat with EFT can be done with surrogate work. Fears, sadness, unprocessed grief, unable to move on… etc etc etc
What about surrogate EFT with adults? Do we need their permission?
As long as we are doing healing for their highest good, it’s okay. We have to choose our intention carefully — it has to be something they would want too.
If they were physically sick, chv, we would do whatever we could to help them. If they are emotionally unable or have some blockage they haven’t been able to overcome themselves, doing surrogate EFT is a beautiful and effective way we can help.
What else should I know about surrogate EFT?
It’s helpful because the person doesn’t need to know you are doing it for them. The child doesn’t have to feel like they have an issue.
Sometimes the issue is affecting both the mother and the child, in which case we work on it from both perspectives. For example, the mother may say her daughter is anxious, and she feels like her own anxiety is rubbing off on her daughter. So we’ll work on both in the session. Or Mommy may feel that working on her own anxiety is enough, and then her daughter will naturally take her lead, because she’ll be parenting from a place of calm.
Case study:
We asked Mommy what was going on with her child that brought her for healing. She said she had noticed her 5-year-old son Dovi had recently developed anxiety. He was suddenly showing anxiety and stress specifically about adult issues. That day she mentioned she had forgotten to defrost the schnitzels for supper — and he got really upset and anxious, worrying what they would eat! It was very strange behavior, and she is careful as a mother never to make her kids feel overly responsible for parental responsibilities.
So we start tapping. The first thing we do is say all of Dovi’s good qualities, because we invite his energy to show up… how cute and smart and empathetic he is…
Then we ask him, while tapping, to show us a picture of where the issue started. We’re looking for the root that caused this anxiety.
Immediately, Mommy said: I see a picture coming up for me — it was on Yom Kippur while I was resting on the couch, and the baby got out the front door. It was a matter of minutes, and Dovi was the one who called me, and I came and got the baby.
Take note of this: Mommy was so surprised that this memory was the one that showed up! She hadn’t been thinking about it. That’s a sign the EFT is working well. The tapping helps the subconscious open up and reveal the right root causes — even if it’s something your logical brain never connected.
As we tapped, we talked to little Dovi and were able to gently release the feeling of responsibility — that he felt he had to do Mommy’s job. Mommy checked into the picture again to see what she was seeing.
She saw that once he wasn’t feeling that heavy responsibility anymore, there was a fear underneath. He was really scared something would happen to the baby he loved so much. So we did our next round of tapping to release the fear.
After each round, we process and release the feeling. We checked in again: what was still there?
He was still worrying that he would have to be on the lookout to do Mommy’s job and really needed some reassurance. So while tapping, we were able to talk “to him” and send the energy and reassurance he needed. We told him Mommy is taking care of it, and most of the time there’s nothing to worry about, and Hashem will take care of us if there’s ever anything we miss. And that we appreciate what a smart and helpful boy he is, and he can of course help Mommy anytime and tell her things — but afterwards he can go play.
How long does Surrogate EFT take to work with my child?
I’ve seen a range of results. Sometimes that very same day or night of Session 1 you will see that the healing has taken root and the child no longer has that trauma.
Sometimes it can take a few days and possibly up to a week to see a change. Sometimes you will not see a change after 1 session. This isn’t to say the EFT is not working. You’ll be the judge of that whether you felt the session was meaningful – but sometimes there is a deeper memory waiting in the subconscious to be brought to the surface and healed – so that the issue can finally be put to rest.
Sometimes the trauma is gone – but a habit remains. For example a child who was previously very afraid and wouldn’t sleep in his own bed, and we do the EFT – but he still wants to sleep in Mommy’s bed. You will be able to tell if this is a habit leftover. In this case, ‘usual parenting advice’ will work, because you’re working with a regular child who doesn’t have a trauma. Incentives, making his own bed special, encouragement – these things fall under ‘usual parenting advice’ and they work when a child is no longer hysterical or panicking.
